Interview

Soo..regine gave me a call while I was in KL to let me know that we can now check

 our application status for JPA scholarship.

and so I was called for the interview on Wednesday at 2.00pm.

To me,it wasnt really about getting it or not,I just want to have the interview experience 

(thought i've been to three before) .Whatever it is,I took it as a trial.

To get it or not,I shall let Him to decide :)

Was all well dressed up in decent formal attire and reach the velodrome before 1.30.

The first thing I did was to check on the list whether there will be any other familiar names that I will find.Nahh..only Renugah and the rest of them are total strangers to me.haha.

First of all,I was grouped with some people.There were suppose to be 8 people in a group but only 5 in my group (including myself) attended.We were briefed about the process.

The first room was the BM language room.

When I first heard that we were suppose to FULLY speak in bm in the room,I got a lil worried.

I mean come on,i cant remember the last time I spoke PROPER bm language.LOL.

   Then we were given two A4 papers,3 pencils,a piece of mahjong paper and two marker pens.

We were given a topic on "remaja larikan diri" something like that and we were suppose to discuss in our group right in front of the interviewers.

Well,all they want to see is our language and communication skills.

After all the discussions,we drew our ideas on the mahjong paper and presented like how we normally did at school.

The second room was the ENGISH language room.

Just like the first room,except that you'll present and discuss in english *phew!*

hahahah.my group's pretty cool,pretty open to each other and we communicated well!

For this time,we were given quite a tricky topic based on 1Malaysia.

But once again,it went fine.though its a little creepier than the first room.haha.

Finally,the last stage.

The REAL interviewing stage.Though we were interviewed individually,we still went in as a group.

In my group,4 out of 5 chose Germany.LOL.

Those usual questions were asked,why you wanna do this.why this country etc etc.

 

So thats it,Just wanna share out a little piece of my experience here.

Now,the waiting stage :)

Lift Me Up

#nowplaying Lift Me Up - Kate Voegele

Still blogging here from KL.

Realised that I need to share out my feelings as I really cant hold it in anymore.

Pretty much had a couple of rough nights.Reasons?Even I cant specify them.

Maybe its the emptiness.Maybe its the lack of hope.Maybe its every little chunk blended in one.

 Nobody really knows.I hid the feelings to well.Or maybe sis knows a little but really,I have been heartbroken.One of the reason why this post is because I really need to spill everything out!

March 21st.

It was probably one of those days where I felt so proud of myself.
One of those days where I felt like I've been living life so well.But who knew,the days after were rougher than before.

Took in parents advice to apply for all possible scholarships.
Well that was what I wanted to do too.What could have gone wrong?Sis had 'the talk' with me too.Years before,I ought to remind myself that my parents will not be able to pay for my higher education and the only way I can save myself is to strive really hard and obtain good results.Fortunately,I got what I worked hard for.Fair enough,at least.

So days passed by,hopes grew more.

First was UEM and I told myself,its okay.Its only one.

Then came UTP.but thats acceptable because only one in a family is allowed to have their scholarship.
So I am more than happy that bro got it.

And more and more and more.

Maybe I knew that I was dying inside but I lied to myself by telling that its okay.I lied to myself because the lie saves me.Ironic much huh?We humans rather believe in a soothing lie rather than a hurtful truth.I was fine.I really was.Remembered what sis told me when I was scholarships before the real SPM.

She said "dont worry.Better doors will open for you in the future"

and she said the same thing over and over again.I believe her.I listen.Until I couldnt take the lie anymore.

and now when she says the same thing,my mind automatically goes...

REALLY?OH I DONT SEE ANY OF THAT SO FAR.

I was fine.I THOUGHT i was.I accepted all the facts.

Besides,all I wanted is some closure.Some confirmation.and fair enough,I got the closures I wanted.

I just need to know that i HAVE to move on.The only thing that keeps me pleasant is having sis to back me up.She constantly lets me know that she only wants the best for me and keep me away from worrying about financial issues.Seriously,thats the only thing I was trying to keep in my mind.

Its really hard,you know.

It gets harder when your family members keep telling you how great you are
 and you're probably the smartest in the big family tree,but deep inside,behind closed doors,they dont really know who you are.This girl whom they thought was PERFECT is looking herself as a life failure.
How does that feels huh?

Skyped with Mel the other day.And I told her about some stuffs.She went..

"Tan Siow Jean also will have problem?You're always getting things right!"

Yeah thats what I thought too.perfect,huh?
Things may be worse when you usually have no one to worry about you.
People thinks that you're strong on your own and you could not go wrong.Oh you are so wrong.

Pretty little face,pretty brain huh?

I've always wanted to spill out to someone.

Sadly,there's just no one who really REALLY understands.and friends,they come and they go.I really had enough of those who keep promising me stuffs but break their promise in the end.

Not once,not twice.God knows how many times.Makes me feel like,it doesnt really matter anymore anyway.I need people who makes me feel better,not rub salt to the wound.

Honestly,this is not a sad post.
Its a form of release for me.It has NEVER been any easy for me to talk about all these.Kinda proud of myself to pour everything ( almost) out here.Once again,I really need a closure.Good or bad,I just need an end.Because if there's an end,there's gonna be another new beginning.

Trying to look up upon myself.
Its not gonna be easy but its something that has to be done.
Maybe people should look at me deep inside,not just the out.
Looking for a better reflection.

From KL with love

So cousins went off to help out with the new opening at Singapore.

Yay its expanding!Anyyyywayyy,bro called mum and I to come up to KL and accompany him.

Thats what we did.Took the train down here.Like finally I got my first train experience!wheee.

Before resting at home,we went down to Pavilion for some Jap food.yumss!

Stayed at home the whole day on the second day though.

No ones at home and only me,mummy and Aunt.So mum and I helped out to stick these new stuffs to the leaflets.

And I just came back from One U!

Its nice visiting back the old working place.Kinda miss the place and the crazy faces.

My mission to get a new cardigan was fulfilled!

Got a grey one.Wasnt really THAT cheap but I felt happy after spending some sum of money.

Plus,bought four more plain tees and sleeveless for college.Really reallly need to start hiding all my new clothes in order not to lose control and take it to wear.Need to save some for college :X

Be back soon!

The Green Light

Its been so long but I'm here again :)

Attended the school Hari Anugerah two weeks ago (which is shockingly early than usual).

So glad to meet back so many good friends and had our catch up on each other.

Do you know?It was like..super stressful to sit at the same row as the straight A+ students .

Like the four of them..and me.hahaha.Anyway,both mum and dad also came for the event 

and I can tell how proud they are :)

Anyway what have I been doing these days?

Been reading books and trying to pick up some skills.

Download various movies to pass my time too.hahah.Went shopping with sis and mum last Saturday.

God knows why she was being so random when we walked by the beauty section 

and said"Let's get your hair coloured!"

And my reaction was " yeahh...right..you want mum to slap us is it?"LOL

She told me that this brand is only like a shampoo.So I was being dumb thinking that "oh..okay its just a shampoo to enhance the hair colour and wouldnt be considered as a DYE."

Right..

I'm kinda confused with the effect.Its looks blonde from one point but looks like

 a ribena colour from the other.Still..i miss my old hair.Its no longer a virgin :((

Had lunch with Tengky yesterday!

Been having the crave for Japanese food as I cant remember the actual last time I had it :(

So we went to Waraku for its set lunch.We were like the first customer of the day and 

I asked Tengky if there were discounts for the first customers.LOL silly me.

You cant really tell how excited I was when the plate of salmon arrived.hahaha.

its like *drools* !

My favourite Cawanmushi!

Ice-cream too!wheee!

And thank you Tengky for the belated bday present! :

Things changed

Hey bloggers,been rotting at home since I am currently jobless and schooless.

Everyone seems to be getting ready for college and so on while it reaaalllyyy

sucks for me to be hanging here.

But these little empty boring times I had gave me the chance to reflect and look back

on those happy little moments :)

And then something striked me,I miss them friends.I miss it.

You know what people say "oh you'll never get to spend time with your friends after school" and all?

Somehow these days I've been questioning the meaning of true friendships.

Pointless drama.

Yes,I'm currently in THAT state.Sometimes,I just need a shoulder to lean on and someone decent and nice enough to allow me to pour out everything even if it doesnt make sense.Seriously,it has been so hard these days.Not too sure whether everyone's too busy or something has gone wrong.Maybe I'm just naive.
Maybe everyone is off to a better start and I'm still stuck here waiting for my turn.
They give me empty promises.Its like one day you're oh-so-nice to me and the other I'm just
 dumped away or something.Life after high school probably?
I remembered how I would take the high road to make someone's birthday special and so but they never do the same for me.Yeah its true that I shouldnt ask for something in return but a little show of appreciation would reaalllyy satisfy me.

(Taken from Little Reasons To Smile)

You know what people say.Photographs captures the best memories we had.
esterday,I decided to develope some of my high school pictures to be kept and maybe hung up in my bedroom.Ahhhh those little times we had.Judging by our sincere smile and
laughters,it was true that we had such a blast together.I couldnt help but to wish that we can rewind those memories back,once again.

Something we all hope for,but it never happens.

Remember those times we used to have MSN and friendster?hahah good times :)

An old friend that we truly miss is someone who means alot to us.Well at least,they mean a lot to me.
Now that we're all grown up,things changed.Sometimes,people changes.They meet someone new and you're no longer 'the bestie'.It sucks to be 'the old stock' you know.
That is why something that I will NEVER EVER do,is to forget an old friend.
Cause I know how it feels..

Ahhh.those good little silly moments.
Things were easier back then,much more simple.

P.s. This is not a specific post for anyone.Just..something..general.